Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Fear of Rejection/Losing Someone

I realized in the last several years that my greatest fear is fear of rejection or losing someone close to me like a friend or relative (and I mean lose touch with them as well as when they go to the great beyond). God has really brought me face to face with moral dilemmas in which I have had to choose between what is right and what I want to do. I wish they were always in line, but alas that is not the case.

I've had to end friendships because of this pull from God to do the right thing and I've done it, although that has come with a lot of loss and pain. But I still did it. But in other areas I have not chosen what is right (even if I knew it was better for me in the long run) and I've realized that I have such a strong fear of rejection that I try to do anything to avoid further rejection, even if that means that I become the rejector (as in, I reject God or my morals).

These choices ultimately stem from my lack of trust in God and His sovereignty in my life. I came upon a scripture this morning: Psalm 32:10: "Many are the sorrows of the wicked; But he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him." When I turn away from God, I am wicked but when I listen to Him and trust Him I will not have so many sorrows and I will feel His lovingkindness all around me. This will comfort me when I feel rejected. This will comfort me in change. I wish I understood why I am not consistent in my convictions. God is working on that in me.

I have heard clearly that I should look towards the future and not look at the past. A lot of great things will come in the near future and I await them calmly (for I should not be anxious in anything). Also, I know that I shouldn't make any plans until things are finalized.

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